Thaat

Uhm.

Restless

Like today will bring me no good

Charting goals for tomorrow

Only that I don’t what they are.

It is not a question of what to do

I know that I want to do good

For myself and others .

So , a question of how

But the nihilistic why?

Keeps poking its head pretty randomly.

Never wanted to play in the corporate rat race

But the pressure to be ‘placed’

Gnaws my resolve.

Resolve to do what? 

I still don’t know..

Noo

Every field is going to be a struggle

What if I pick something I love and

My passion burns into ashes?

Why should there be only one path?

The need to know all the answers

Makes me unravel

The thought of meandering aimlessly

Doesn’t bode well too.

Taking concrete action towards this

Seems like saying bye to that.

So this , that or this and that?

How about Thaat?

Aargh.

The deep blue ocean

Sue Heck.

I have watched around 4 seasons of The Middle now and one character who fascinates me is Sue Heck. On paper , she is a stereotypical beliebing teenager who likes pink and who is what people may typically refer to as a ‘dork’. She tries out for everything and almost never makes any team. And that is what astounds everyone – Sue’s indomitable spirit. She NEVER gives up. Even when she sucks at it. Sometimes to her own detriment.

I am kind of her opposite. More like her tired Mother of three , Frankie. Frankie quits things when they get too tough. She plays out what ‘will’ happen in her head , arrives at her own foregone conclusion and quits. It is pretty sad considering that Frankie is in her mid Forties and that I have just started my Twenties.

Law school does that to you.

However , my slightly skewered to my favour contention is that , while being a Frankie is a big NO , aren’t we all really more Frankie than Sue? And what is wrong with quitting with something you are horrible at anyways?

Ok I sound lazy. Let me rephrase.

Isn’t being a Sue all the time a bit crazy and over virtuous? Knowing when to stop is  important too right? Using valuable time and resource running a cross country race which is already over by the time you have gotten up from your first mistake is just stupid. I know ‘participation is more important than winning’ and all , but sometimes smart work is better than hard work.

We are trying to be sharks in this ocean called competition but what if we are Harry Potter in his second task in the triwizard tournament without some Gillyweed? Totally useless. Is it better to drown than be equipped? Sometimes we know that we come to know that our oxygen cylinder is empty only after we jump in , we can never be pre equipped , we can’t just hope to life of pi our life away , waiting for a life jacket or divine intervention.

OR maybe that’s the difference? People with faith in a higher power tough it out in belief that they get rewarded in the end? Is this whole thing called life about that? Gritting your teeth through hurdles hoping for the light from above or any small sign?

So people who don’t believe are doomed from the beginning? So is faith going to be my gillyweed or am I just going to have to pre equipped and at my best if I am incapable of such massive trust in something I have no clue about?

What is your gillyweed gonna be?

As you can see I am more of questions than answers here. No I haven’t read many books by thinkers. I wanna reach there myself. And you are free to speculate with me in the comments column.