We as humans have a tendency to believe that the current moment we live in is the most important/momentous/worst one. So much so that we tend to look at our 5minutesback self more rosily than our present self. This peculiar trait is amplified the most when we post stuff like 'this year was the most soul sucking / earth shattering / eye opening one of my life'/ 2020 sucks/ 2020 > 2021. While i generally disagree with such statements, I am going to make a categorical one myself right now. At this moment.
2021 was the most challenging year of my life.
I think it started well enough. I was in peak comfort zone personally, professionally and socially. I loved how everything was but didn't want anything to change and I definitely didn't want to push myself. You know what they say- If you don't, life will.
and life did.
Nothing that dramatic really. I just contracted a mild case of COVID in the second wave. I was and am lucky that nothing devastatingly permanent happened in my life. However, I was in a prolonged home isolation with myself for 21 days and that did the trick.
The thing is I like many others don't like to think about the 'big stuff'. I like it to keep it light and 'cash-ual' and keep flowing through life like that runner in temple run. Truth is whenever I have thought about my plans for my future or think too hard about anything of substance I get into a full blown existential crisis mode. This is true since 2007 and I am just 25 y'all. Do the math.
When you look at something for too long it loses all meaning. Look at any word for too long it just looks and feels wrong! That's what happened when I started thinking about life in general.
Almost 3 years of life done after college, suddenly you realise life has no institutional structure. You can do anything you want with life. No one to tell you what to do. This realisation was terribly exciting for like 5 seconds before it turned terrifying.
Then I started discovering ways to just control myself and not think about things. That went well for all of 2 months before shit hit the roof lol The longer you contain the pressure inside the bigger the blast will be.
Don't worry. There is a light at the end of tunnel for this tale of doom and gloom. (even though it just might be the headlights of an oncoming train)
I survived all of the crippling anxiety and tension by making conscious good choices. Actions speak louder than thoughts. Doing is moving. By the last quarter of the year I was in such a good place mentally that I took my abrupt job change in stride (with teeny amounts of deserved drama) and can look back at this year with gratitude.
I feel like I have matured considerably this year. The fact that I didn't flinch by the word mature itself is a hint. (lol) I am ready to take on bigger commitments without flipping out. I thank all the humans who helped me get to this point. Y'all know who you are. I couldn't
I often think about how stressed people your age must be, trying to build a future in a falling apart world. I am relieved you got through covid without the long haul symptoms many have. I try to balance my angst over the climte crisis with anything that is healing: walks in the forest and by the sea, especially....music.....writing. I was glad to read the account of your year and to hear your strength. We are born to move forward, one step, another step. No matter what, we seem to keep doing it. I cant imagine having gone through the tsunami you survived. Keep shining. And thanks for stopping by my blog. I was so happy to see your name pop up. Smiles.
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