Stay

So a regular reader and friend asked me to write a piece on romantic relationships. A more specific one actually but my mind meandered to this. Purely fictional for intents and purposes. An artistic piece if you can call it that

To think that

the only real relationship I ever had

was

the one I never had.

Beat my chest in pride,

every time I did the courageous karate

in the name of romance 

with almost every other person 

except you. 

I could feel your patient gaze

silently sear through my back 

as I strutted around town. 

For you know for who I was  am.

A genuine hypocrite

Afraid of All. 

Of your gentle embrace wrapping me up

in the near future, 

actually play that reel in my head quite often.

Till I get giddy in fact. 

You are my handsome secret.

Of me having to confront you 

about these stupid feelings which engulf me

and make me powerless , 

you will never.

You rock at this waiting game

Not a level playing field actually.

Of you saying 'no', 

For Fate and Circumstances

spare no one. 

Of you saying 'yes' . 

For Fate and Circumstance

spare no one. 

I didn't want my epic romance 

to be tarnished by the all too real life,

Twas very pretty and pristine

So I never took the chance. 

Cautious for a change. 

There was no element of doubt

about our commitment , 

only time when unspoken words made

so much more meaning 

than the spoken ones. 

Our eyes duelled in anger 

each time we tried to dull our love

by truly moving on from each other, 

So we pretended to fall in love

with likeable people we never liked. 

I am thinking of you 

and you are thinking of me. 

Toxic flames and fumes 

made of our mutual feelings

paralyse me forever. 

I know it may sound sad

but it is real

And that is all that matters.

Give love a chance! 

What about true happiness? 

The lucky ones mutter under their breath. 

Passion would eat us alive , 

Would 

Could 

Should 

I don't want to live in the aftermath

So in this mental cove 

I am going to stay.

Beginner's Guide to Virtual Stalking

 Unfortunately, a lot of people know this already. However , they confuse it with 'love' and 'romance'. In the light of  recent murders and suicides involving the social media, I feel compelled to volunteer my opinion, Reading is completely at your discretion. 

" Reading is completely at your discretion. " Stalkers don't understand the meaning of this line. 'Discretion' has no place in their dictionary. Or does 'consent'. 

So steps to become a stalker. 

1) Create an anonymous profile with a celebrity's / baby's picture on it to show off your innocence/ attractiveness. Mostly , it doesn't produce the desired effect though. It looks very shady , like the person is trying to not reveal their original identity and that never leads to meaningful relationships.

Vijay anna is famous

Ok , this works.

2) Add as many profiles of opposite gender as possible. When you send a 100 requests at least 10 get accepted and voila! suddenly you have 10 mutual friends with the next 'friend' you are adding , misleading them to think they somehow know you or that you are somehow not a danger.

No gain

3) Start chatting with the 'friends'. This is the most fun part. Some guys start with the 'thank you for the accept' and ' your dp looks very nice' routine which quickly evolves into 'give me your number'.

 Opposite genders ( who am i kidding? GIRLS) , Please NEVER give your number. Once you give your number , you can't avoid round the clock nuisance , your location , privacy everything gets forsaken. Other guys for reasons unknown to mankind , keep sending 'hi' , sometimes 5 times a day and never go past 'sup?'  ' what did you do?' and never volunteer information about themselves and still think they are not creepy.

Took it from google

4) Then we come to the tipping point. As a stalker ( yes , going back to original mode) , it gets plenty frustrating when a girl doesn't reply to your heartfelt ( yet having no substance) messages or doesn't give you her number, That bitch! So you either call her names , abuse her for adding you in the first place , if she had given you personal info threaten to use it against her and the best of all , threaten to throw acid on her.

Hell hath no Fury

5) If you're an actual jerk  hurt lover, you carry out your threats.

Being a Facebook member for more than 7 years , all of what I typed has been endured by me except the 5th point. One guy actually threatened to throw acid on my face cz I dared to not give him my number. Can't reveal the chat because I blocked and reported and him and I have fantasy that he miraculously vanished from existence.

'Never add people you don't know' - is an often given advice and can be understood only the hard way. I am not saying all guys are stalkers. In fact , I have a lot of friends who I got to know through social media who are nice people. But there is a high risk of a lot of these types of people also when you add every person who sends you a request, 

• Add a person who you sure atleast 50 mutual friends with 
• Ask a close mutual friend about them just before adding them, No harm done, 
• Add people who share a common interest with you like blogging , cinema etc. 

As for the 'stalkers' reading this. I know most of you aren't even intending to be stalkers and come off as ones because you don't know how to express yourselves. How about having an original profile , having genuine conversation and respecting the girl's wishes for once? You will have a better success rate . Trust me. 

P.S - If a girl is clearly not interested in getting to know you , leave her alone. You deserve better. Respect yourself.

Disclaimer - All pics taken from the net. I didn't take or create anything. Merely for aesthetic value.

Feminazi?

www.ananasa.com image taken from

5 things I want from India as a woman living here.

1)      Stop getting raped. Like immediately please.

2)      To be able to buy a smoke without having to address the shopkeeper’s eyeballs which are way outside his sockets. And to be able to smoke it, like the million guys puffing right next to me. * Not endorsing smoking as a habit in any way. It is a deadly menace. But if men can read disclaimers, why can’t we? *

3)      To be able to enter TASMAC / liquor shops without any insinuations about my character thrown at me.

4)      To be able to stand in the road and speak to my male friend without a police officer shooing us away because it is the ‘night’ time. We can control ourselves and it is clearly none of his problem either ways. And wear whatever makes me comfortable.

5)      For people to realize that doing 2 , 3 ,4 is in NO ways related to 1.

I have been observing social media posts for a while now. While there seemed to be a consensus ‘innocent’ girls should never be raped , there seems to be an ambiguous grey area when it came to the ‘liberal feminazis’ who are asking for it. Let me tell you this , NO ONE is asking for it and wanted to write a blunt and unpretentious post which puts my views as clearly as possible on this topic.

And for once , I don’t want to debate. I don’t want to argue with someone on whether the behaviour of a victim was the cause of a rape or whether a girl ‘can’ smoke or drink like a guy.

THESE ARE FUNDAMENTALS WHICH I THOUGHT GOT COVERED IN THE ERA OF DRAFTING THE CONSTITUTION. IT FEELS LIKE TRYING TO TALK ABOUT SLAVERY.

But again that’s the sad state of affairs. Only times I regret democracy is when we have groups who can espouse such B.S under the garb of right to speech. But again , Benevolent Dictators are a very rare species.

For the last time , 

• A girl who has boy  "bad" habits is not a 'bad girl' 
• It is not cool to use NAZI on concepts you don't understand . Mass genocide shouldn't be easily made equatable to mundane activities
• NO ONE ( see how I'm gender neutral here) should be raped and there is no 'excuse' for rape ( certainly no your rapist son's promising swimming career) 

* when you think some things are basic like A , B , C and you realise most of the populace is dyslexic or just too stubborn to learn* 

Finding Fan(ny)

Every one of us are fans of something or someone or the other. Admiring artistry and enjoying entertainment are few of the aspects which distinguishes us as human beings. That being said, all of us can’t be like Mr. Sudhir Kumar Chaudary whose only occupation is to be a fan or a  Mr. Gaurav Chandna who is a kind of person ( albeit fictional ) that most people call a ‘fanatic’.

Very rarely do fans get to meet their icons. Most of the times , they meet their Rajinikanth only in their dreams and even those darned dreams don’t end successfully ( dreams are actually very richly symbolic. Always try googling your disturbing dreams. Trust me , there exist other interpretations apart from your garden variety id and sexual drive) . I once had a dream which involved me having a looong conversation with Mr.Rajinikanth and it was so realistic that it leaves me in unconditional joy to just think of them even today. Un/fortunately most people don’t have such awesome and vivid imagination and dream retention , so they have only a slim chance of meeting their icons. And even when they do , they most often blow it. Not everyone is lucky like my dad to win a contest and meet Sachin Tendulkar in person and have a conversation with him in person. ( No I didn’t create this post merely to insert this fact :P ) 

So what is the point of this post?

Well , let me start from the moment when the seed of this thought got implanted in my head. Facebook is a drab place nowadays until the next fad comes around.  Ice bucket challenge , book gifting schemes , lock screen challenge , the secretive statuses for woman empowerment day?! … the list keeps going. And joining this not so prestigious but certainly fun list is a ‘what am I obsessed with?’ challenge. If a person shares a status asking that question , you have to simply comment what you think they are obsessed with. A simple enough challenge. It really helps you know what type of crazed fanatic the world thinks you to be.

In my case , people thought I was primarily obsessed with :-

a)      Chennai super kings

b)      Grey’s anatomy

c)       Books

d)      Coca cola

This set me thinking. Almost all the things I’m currently obsessed with are either defunct , bad for my health , have overstayed their welcome. And the one thing I should be doing – reading books is getting kicked to a corner. So I’m going to dig into each of these obsessions to get a better understanding of fangirling . Or fan boying – don’t wanna be called a ‘feminazi’.

The csk fan or

The type of fan who still loves something or somebody who no longer exists. We refuse to believe that the thing we love/worship/ look up to doesn’t actually exist anymore. We look back in time constantly thinking about the glory filled days of the past with pride and tear filled eyes. Books get over , Tv shows end and teams get destroyed or suspended for their stupid owner’s fault. And we the fans bear the brunt and have to live with memories of ancient words and scenes and recycle old material on facebook to get likes :P The harry potter fandom is a thriving one which discusses dramione and chickron theories like they happened yesterday. Friends last aired last 12 years ago. This is to say that loyal fandoms always survive. That’s why a reboot of a full house or arrested development has managed to happen. CSK fans will always believe that their team will come back in 2 years and all their players will somehow magically reassemble to re live in the golden era of IPL cricket. Till then IPL is dead to us.

The grey’s anatomy fan is a fan who has stuck by their show for 12 seasons and still crave for more in this short attention span era. A grey’s fan has endured the show’s leads go through  bombing , plane , ferry boat , car crashes , irretrievable break down of marriages and regular exit of primary characters. A grey’s fan is one who cherishes their long history. We know our obsession is not the currently ‘trending’ one and that our creator has herself greener stories to write about. Yet , we still have a beating heart , we win people choice awards and cry every time O’malley is mentioned or when characters leave. We are secretly happy they didn’t get killed off. We are the loyal , patient ones.

The bookworm is an increasingly hard to find species in today’s digital era. Kids of this generation are exposed to so much visual stimuli that books feel like they belong to the dinosaur era. As much as I love technology , I also despise it. I used to be able to read like a monster now I keep getting disturbed by the darned whatsapp. I am sad to say that I am not a bookworm anymore. Only a few books transport me completely to their world – like Jefferey Archer or Salman Rushdie. The excitement has waned. I am now a fake fan impostor-ing by buying tonnes of book and then going through periods of guilt. Sometimes , I get my groove back and devour them though. I’m pretty sure there are others like me.

Coca Cola fan. More like someone who befriended a sexy enemy and don’t know how to ditch them anymore. I very nearly had kidney damage due to it recently , so trying my best to avoid it. It is a very alluring obsession albeit a very dangerous one.

So from this personal analysis I have learnt that :-

1)      Fans are basically Gryffindors. Loyal to a fault

2)      They can get caught in toxic obsessions

3)      And let go of fruitful ones when more junky ones come along.

S

                So what do you readers Fan girl/boy about? Do you have any incurable obsessions? Or waning ones? Do you get addicted or maintain your sanity? Please leave a comment :) 

The seeker

I seek inspiration

for writing is easy no more 

thoughts ebb rather than flow

instinctual illumination and enlightenment

which once defined me 

sounds like something from a bygone era. 

Words don't even exist 

to sound stifled or stymied 

everything feels mechanical

excitement doesn't really tickle my heart

when I think of blogging

I can hear wordpress whispering to me 

that blogger is an un-updated relic , 

I can feel the crunch of not having enough content

to be eligible for adsense 

or enough drive 

to submit to a blogadda 

References I make feel like

the Dorne storyline from Game of Thrones -

They just don't make sense.

Everything I put pen to, sounds so unoriginal 

or better put by somebody else. 

I used to sound light hearted even when i was trying not to be -

much to my chagrin in fact ,

but now i sound like cranky ranter 

venting her turmoil in public webspace 

Basically I have become somebody , 

I used to laugh at. 

But yeah , things change. 

For better or worse 

and you have to go with the flow

Isn't that what "Steady Meanderings" is all about?

I ask myself 

In that minuscule moment  

I get a brief glimpse of 

What I used to be 

or what I could be,

If only I could get rid of these not so insane negative thoughts.

This pity party has to stop asap 

I need to write,sketch , scribble something

meander somewhere 

anywhere but here.

For that , 

I seek inspiration