The Anemic Hemophiliac

 prompt 'bleeding heart' 

                                 

                  

Bleeding heart

Don’t let it start

It will never stop,

Till it one day drops.

Then please bring out the harps

and the orchestra and what not.

 

Nature or nurture?

Just cannot escape these vultures

Feasting on the flesh of my heart

At one point I just let it to rot

Forgetting they were cannibals after all. 

 

So better to bleed boldly

My love and care and worries

Along with the hemoglobin

Towards humanity & you

Than zombify myself   

And project coolness

Only to be lifted on a coffin

On the way out.

 

 

My

Bloody heart beats for you &

Bleeds for humanity

Bends down for humility &

Bombards for atrocity

 

Blood is a sign of oxygen pumping

Bathing out our concern in a 

Bright red colour.

 

Pain is a sign of growing

Past the vultures

Who are a sign of success.

Keep feeling

One day it will lead to fruitful action.

 

 

 

As the crow flies

Clandestine creeping in

Of relevant restlessness

Growing apathy

Winged venom

Acidic antidotes

Sure seeping in

Of a crow’s courage

Just a tremulous throw away.

So bark away

I’m not an orphaned stray

I will stamp my say

For all those who stay

On a half moon day.

Sishya

 

When I was a kid I remember reading this famous mahabharatha story on Karna and parasurama. Karna a Kshatriya lies to Parasurama that he is a bhramin to get trained in archery and stuff. Parasurama is very pleased with him. One day when parasurama was like napping in Karna’s lap, a scorpion bites through karna and he doesn’t flinch ( not wanting to disturb his mentor’s beauty sleep ) His hotheaded mentor wakes up due to the blood trickling down on him and instead of being touched by his pupil’s devotion realizes that his disciple can’t be a weak bhramin and must be a strong Kshatriya to withstand such pain. And curses karna. That’s the end of the story. You heard me right. You can read a more proper version of this story here.

Firstly, how flawed and cool is mahabharatha lol love it infinitely more than the boring Ramayana ( Don’t come at me haters)

Secondly, this story is pretty dark, I’m glad I didn’t understand the overtly casteist nature of this story when I was young.

What I am focusing on today and what has been running in my head is the fundamentally toxic guru-sishya bond which is so revered in our country and which is so firmly embedded in our mind that even acts of cutting your thumb (ekalavya I’m looking at you) , withstanding scorpion bites may not be sufficient to gain your ‘guru’s’  appreciation. And you just need to keep trying harder. Anything remotely resembling labour law is seen as a favour done to you. Having no work life balance is glorified. Even the good ones act like they’re performing charity. I remember an  office where my friend worked Monday to Sundays at – they used to say how lucky he was that he was even getting paid. I am not just talking out of personal experience. Sadly, I see workplace exploitation and burnout in all fields including but not limited to medicine,engineering,C.As, architects….basically my whole friend list is one unhappy overworked mess and no one seems to acknowledge that the system is rigged. They just blame the individual as whiny or a ‘millenial’  *sigh*

(359 words)

 

Golden Brown

All the gloss , glitter and glue

Cannot photoshop the sheer phobia

Lurking right beneath her skin

Forming a palpable layer,

They attack her

Only when no one is watching.

She seems so bold

But is actually quite brittle

Her quiet melancholy

Muddled by her extensive cacophony.

She is indeed a prisoner of her own device

Trapped in bravado

She just wants to cry.

Yet when her man is watching

She cannot let him see

If the truth is really exposed

Won’t he just flee?

Better to break it off

And be the bitch

Than take it off

And be his bitch.

Of course it is all very problematic

But who are we to judge?

We all mask our frail insecurities

 marinate them with worry &

deep fry it till it becomes golden brown.

Valar Morgulis

This is the 21^st century

Flying automobiles may not be far away

Yet justice remains a distant dream

For young women in the Pollachi

Who got sucked into the blackhole

Where technology trapped their innocent minds

And cameras coveted their flesh

By predatory influential men

Who blackmailed them to no end

And silenced their horrors

with the concept of shame.

Yet!

It is the girls who are blamed

For chatting with these imposters online

And befalling shame upon their families

For risking their virginity and honor.

Because

A woman is just a sum of her body parts

And

A badge of honor

And

A Flawless flagship

All at the same time.

The boys?

They will remain boys ofcourse

Reprimanded for their glaring errors

And

Cajoled for their lighter ones

They will grow out of it yaar.

The trauma?

Will be forgotten

Swept under the bloody carpet

And the closet of skeletons

Put on a brave face

Act like nothing happened

Better yet

If they just die

And put their family out of their miseries

Because broken women

are a blot on this society

and we would much rather gossip

on how a woman must have tortured

that her husband had to stab her in the family court*

 rather than

have a real conversation about Pollachi.

This is the 21^st century

And ‘women empowerment adorns every manifesto.

Thank you so much.

See links on Pollachi rape here

and family court stabbing here

Others

Living on the mandate of others

Is basically Life imprisonment

Yet we all bear through it

All Smiles through a gritted teeth.

A rite of passage of course

To come unscathed through the other side

Full of sudden wisdom and cryptic cynicism

Silently afraid to cut these choking umbilical chords

Nourishment and community and all

Convincing ourselves this is what it is

To Be Human,

Taking the place of the Others

Who won and lost

Losing our wonder

And wondering what we lost-

The essence of being ourselves

The hyenas feed on our soul

Only when it is exposed

Keep it intact tightly within you

Guard it like a watchdog

Fundamental rights and all.

Worship it like a temple and

Pray you don’t lose yourself

For the call of others

Whatever may be the cost.

Carpe the frikking diem

Seize the day

Every second , every minute

Do not let the drowsiness drown you ,

Let that moment ebb away

Before long you will be viewing it from

Mount Nostalgia

Where powerful telescopic lenses

Painfully scrutinise every moment you wasted

Till you had no more

With the ones you love.

Things you took for granted

Will be pulled away without ceremony

You will be lying on the carpet

Rubbing your head

Wondering about gravity

The day your sun burns no more

Sounds like an improbability

Beyond your levels of comprehension

But it was always right around the corner my friend

You’re just driving for the first time

Listen to this burned freak and just

Seize the day.

Scream

Taking a raincheck on one’s feelings

Is a recipe for disaster

Trying to be strong for both of us

Has only made me weaker

World’s greatest armor

Is being in disguise

Only when the chinks start to show

You will know that there is nothing brave inside

 So why don’t you pull that veil

Make me scream

Say those words and

Save me too?

Being Wo/man

Reinstating obvious things which are sadly not so obvious to many out there.

On this ‘women’s day’ I want to state the following things : -  

1) Feminism is not a bad word. It advocates the equality of all genders.

2) Like Emma Watson said , Gender shouldn’t be two opposing ideals but a wide spectrum accommodating every one.

3) A man is under pressure to be a ‘man’ too. He can’t show emotions , he HAS to provide for the family and  be tough and captain of the ship at all times. No one wants to marry a guy who is not ‘settled’. That’s sexist too.

What?!

4) If a woman wants to start a family and settle down instead of being career driven it is fine too. As long as one is doing something of their own will and not because of societal pressure it is absolutely fine. A man being a housemaker is nothing to be ashamed of. I was very surprised when my juniors were literally bullying their friend when she said her dream in life was to get married and have a family. Shaming is Shaming guys!

5) It is not womens day but women’s day. Please know the difference. Please stop using words like ‘feminazi’. It is a sincere request. It is a disservice to all the people who lost their lives and disrespect to all the feminists trying to express their original opinions.

The worst of the internet

6) While having a ‘day’ for something is a largely commercial concept to drive up sales and makes us ‘feel good’ , it does help bring the limelight on hitherto unknown views and problems. It helps create constructive discussion and debates and also improves awareness and make the issues commonplace. Only if you acknowledge it you can overcome it.

7) Saying that some issues which I feel need to be discussed more :-

• Acid attacks on women and men ( to a lesser extent)
• Marital Rape
• Objectification of men and women in mainstream media and public consciousness
• Legalization of Prostitution in order to curb Human Trafficking

Fakebook?

In this world so connected with technology,we have actually lost our real connections.Technology has actually surpassed human-interactions. Real time Conversations became texting and Feelings became status updates.What you feel? Share your views on it. 

So this is my first post for indispire , I hope to participate more often. #indispire149 has the above mentioned topic and I have decided to play Devil's advocate. ( the best type of advocate)

Disclaimer : All views are solely my opinion and all images are taken from google , I claim no rights over them.

So it boils down to this

Cliched intro and some irony 

In every century , every decade man (woman too?) has proven that he hates new change or technology. For , every innovation there is equal and strong opposition ( see how i mimicked newton there xD ) and a general sense of disdain over all things new. And that is precisely what is happening here when slightly older generations ironically go on social media and blogging platforms to state how we don't have 'real' connections anymore. 

Technology is good * blasphemy *

No change is so simplistic or negative , unless it is brought by Hitler maybe. Truth be told technology has helped us connect more than ever before. I am thousands of miles away from my family and connect with them at a moment's notice through skype. Isn't that wonderful? Yes , it is. But to admit that would mean that *gasp* technology is a GOOD thing. 

Beholder 

We all know that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and the use or abuse of technology solely lies on the hands of the operator. Blaming oneself instead of the medium requires a lot of introspection and courage and most of us lack that. 

Exaggerations

Also known as crying over nothing

At any given point of time , a person is genuinely close to give or take 20 people? When it is face to face we avoid these other 100's of people or don't have a chance to connect with them and really doesn't impact us. However , when all of these people are on our virtual screen we get a sense that they are our 'friends' and feel disappointed when they don't respond. 

External validation

The problem is that when we post 'status' updates we want people to react , we need some sort of validation and knowledge that we are not shouting ourselves hoarse to an empty stadium. Social media and technology to a certain extent shows us how tiny we are in this world. And that doesn't feel like progress to many. 

Use to build up and not create 

But it's how we take it. If we are using Facebook solely to make new friends when we don't have any 'real' friends , it is not going to really help. There is no substitute for real human connection and organic personal experience as opposed to artificial , manufactured attempts to foster friendship. If we use sites like Facebook to build on a date or catch up with friends we already know , rest assured that it is 'real'.

Fakeness

Most of the 'fakeness' can be attributed to the forced sups? and nms uttered when one wants to be left alone and the other clearly doesn't get it. If you have your core group of friends and you regularly share updates on your life , you aren't fake you are just sharing it to wider circle who aren't used to the idea of instant sharing and sensory overload. 

Life goes on

An important point to be noted is that it is our real life relationships that impact our virtual ones. If our 'real' life is in order , I don't think we will even be complaining about our virtual ones. So people moaning about social media ruining your lives , take a deep look at the mirror and face the music. 

I also wanted to let you guys know that sometimes ( not always) you tend to lovely relationships with technology and social media too. I know a lot of bloggers and friends this way and Fakebook is not all that fake if you make an effort and you are yourself. In fact relative anonymity helps your true personality come out. The problem is the nature of the personality sometimes. So let's not blame the technology and learn to use it productively?

Thank you

Samyuktha Semi Jayaprakash

Shhh

Nothing good comes after 3 AM

The monsters are waiting just around that corner

I am losing already.

Great confusion over life goals

Nothing comes easily

The landscape where I once seamlessly stepped into

Now not really.

Hush! You are no more a little baby

A sad and helpless insomniac

Penning thoughts for solace in sleep

If only words can make you drowsy

Maybe I should do a push up

Or simply shut up my burning eyes

What about this constantly humming brain?

Maybe symptom of an everlasting pain

Make this stop please I beg

You can if you want to, says a voice from within

But isn’t that a case with everything?

The question of how might beat the question of when

And the collateral might defeat the win.

Shhh.  

A dollop of darkness and a drop of sunshine.

It has been a long while my friends since I wrote anything in this space. Never has an injury to my right hand (which I have had one too many of ) affected me as much as now. I am impressed with the hunger I feel to write.

I used to be called callous, insensitive

Was never happier.

The minute I started to give a damn

The tragedy started.

The tragedy called life

Where people you used to love

Became completely different persons

So much so that

You think you wanted a disclaimer

That things could go horribly wrong!

But maybe this is the disclaimer

For the next time.

Writing all this, I look in the mirror

And see a completely different person

Than the years before.

Role reversals

Shape shifting

By the tendrils of time.

I want to be who I was

And also who I am.

A dollop of darkness and a drop of sunshine.

Aloof and caring at the same time.

How to achieve all this

When I can’t even tie my shoe laces on? 

And to my poets united friends. The post came before the motif. So the explanation maybe a bit contrived. So my take is that this piece is an appreciation of the effect of time upon our lives. 

The Predator & The Prey

So the midweek motif in Poets United was ' predator and the prey' and I couldn't ask for a more perfect opportunity to write about this .It is more prosey than poemy but i just wrote what came to my mind. Leave your honest feedback below or I will go mad that nobody cared. Putting myself out there.

credits - Times of india

I always never liked him

The guy who rode me in his auto to school.

He acted like he was my boss

Bullying and puncturing my soul.

Made me sit in the worst positions

In his overcrowded rickshaw,

On the handrest, above his seat,

Even had to share his front seat.

My parents never believed me

As I had a penchant for fabricating honestly amazing lies.

He used to hurl abuses at me,

Unnecessarily delay taking me home,

He even drank on duty.

No one ever believed me.

Then one day he started asking me for ten bucks

And pestered me incessantly

Till I gave him some.

This became a habit.

I gave up complaining to my parents altogether.

He used to make fun of me in front of others

But I wasn’t a silent victim

I learnt bad words to combat his verbal diarrhoea

I acted like I didn’t care

Got used to his bad treatment to an extent that he got bored.

He wasn’t all evil either.

He told me about his son in law who had cancer.

I saw him giving free lifts to the poor

( delaying me furthermore)

Buying tea and biscuits to the old and needy

With whatever he had.

He told me about his affair ,

About his wife.

About his life.

He treated me like an adult ,

Alarm bells should have rung then.

He started speaking to me about sex ,

I was 13 then ,

It intrigued me

But I tried blocking it out.

I always pretended to read a book.

Then one fine day ,

The predator decided to hunt its prey.

But the prey was agile like a deer

And cried out like a hyena ,

The predator was old , tired and certainly drunk

And got scared by the fragile looking one causing so much

Noise.

So it decided to act like it was all a mistake.

The prey told her parents and her parents

Finally listened this time.  

Apparently many preys don’t speak out

And become silent victims.

Parents were proud of their prey

And the prey decided to not be one

And decided to act brave.

It worked.

People believed I was strong

I believed I was

I eventually felt strong

And became so.

But those memories still hit me when I’m weak.

If only they had listened quickly.
If only I had told them earlier 
If only

The seeker

I seek inspiration

for writing is easy no more 

thoughts ebb rather than flow

instinctual illumination and enlightenment

which once defined me 

sounds like something from a bygone era. 

Words don't even exist 

to sound stifled or stymied 

everything feels mechanical

excitement doesn't really tickle my heart

when I think of blogging

I can hear wordpress whispering to me 

that blogger is an un-updated relic , 

I can feel the crunch of not having enough content

to be eligible for adsense 

or enough drive 

to submit to a blogadda 

References I make feel like

the Dorne storyline from Game of Thrones -

They just don't make sense.

Everything I put pen to, sounds so unoriginal 

or better put by somebody else. 

I used to sound light hearted even when i was trying not to be -

much to my chagrin in fact ,

but now i sound like cranky ranter 

venting her turmoil in public webspace 

Basically I have become somebody , 

I used to laugh at. 

But yeah , things change. 

For better or worse 

and you have to go with the flow

Isn't that what "Steady Meanderings" is all about?

I ask myself 

In that minuscule moment  

I get a brief glimpse of 

What I used to be 

or what I could be,

If only I could get rid of these not so insane negative thoughts.

This pity party has to stop asap 

I need to write,sketch , scribble something

meander somewhere 

anywhere but here.

For that , 

I seek inspiration

Confessions

 13^th may 2015

Wednesday

Forgive me father , for I have sinned. I have always wanted to go to a church and make grand confessions to a calm priest. But that never seems to work out in my favour. So in this mini diary entry , I register my random private thoughts – which are not sins per se and fit more into the heading of confessions. I want the inevitable someone who peeps into this diary to know that I'm not high , embarrassed or drunk – right now at this moment at least.

1.       I didn't learn Hindi not because of some big moral principle of solidarity for my state’s culture but because I was too lazy (still am) to learn a new language which didn't immediately affect my then near future . Although, necessity forced me to understand it somewhat eventually.

2.     

  I'm proud of being a ‘tomboy’ or the opposite of my general stereotype as a girl. And , that has led me to hide that I actually enjoy romantic movies much more than action ones.

3.     

 I'm ashamed of Surya as an actor nowadays. I fell in love with the guy who excelled in multiple offbeat yet catch roles. Either the star in him as eaten the actor completely or he has very bad taste in choosing his scripts. I just wish the old surya is back. I hate the post 2011 Surya. * That was tough to admit, even on paper* I still hope that his next movie will bring a turnaround. I have been waiting for 5 years now.

4.   

    I hate the Kolkata Knight Riders because of  a) Sharukh Khan b) their arrogance ( Cough cough Gambhir) and c) … because they are damn good as a team and the only serious threat to Chennai Super Kings overall.

5.      

I find it uncool to admit that I prefer Tamil music over English music. Harris Jayaraj any day . *sheepish grin*

6.    

   I don’t think I'm serious enough to be a lawyer. But I do know that I’ll get there eventually. If I start soon.

7.      

I’m a very self centered person and I really don’t listen when others talk about their life stories and that in turn makes me feel guilty because I impose my life story on everyone through this blog.

8.      

I can seriously can keep going. But sane enough to know that honesty is not often the best policy even in the seemingly safest places.

9.    

   I’m going to make this into a blogpost. 

 Final one - Nowadays , I enjoy Tv shows much more than books. And that is blasphemous in my world. So , forgive me lord for I have sinned.

So , in the spirit of confessions readers are requested to share some poignant truth about themselves :P can be pointless too. But an honest revelation!

Happy New year ! ? !

It is end of another year and here I am, like a clockwork mouse to publish my ‘end of the year post’. Only that, there won’t be a retrospective ‘2014’ post this time. My life is not so nicely structured anymore – college does that to you and seeing the year through my eyes will be too jumbled to be comprehensible for you.

But it IS the end of the year and old habits die hard. So I am going to write about ‘happy new year’ albeit a different one from what you’re thinking about. At least the one I think you’re thinking about :P ( and yes! I finally used albeit , maybe used it wrongly but love that word too much *nerd face* )

We are going to talk about HAPPY NEW YEAR , the Bollywood movie starring Sharukh Khan , Deepika Padukone and Abhishek Bachchan among many others. We are not going to do a detailed analysis of the plot , script etcetera because let’s face it – there isn't any. It is just a mishmash of English and Hindi gangster heist films which happens to be enacted by the most popular stars in India right now.

My problem with the film was that … it was so much fun! Does it really matter if a film is funny -intentionally or unintentionally? The fact is that, it is very hard to make a movie and make people laugh. The fact that it was ready to laugh at itself and offer entertainment is enough for most people out there. How else would you explain the 300 crore phenomena happening after every big star’s movie?

Silk knows best ,"ENTERTAINMENT,ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT"

There are 2 types of films out there today – films that expect to boggle your brain and films which expect you to leave your brain at home. Most star backed films in India belong to the latter category. Why should I put effort to confuse the audience , when doing the same movie with slightly different dialogues and costumes earns me 300+ crores ?(100 crores is so 2011),ask the great Khans of today. Aamir Khan is the only one trying to challenge himself but after Dhoom 3, I’m not so sure anymore.

The problem with 

Only hope?

'star movies’ nowadays (not to be confused with the channel of the same name xP) is that there is only glitter and stardust . Matter doesn't matter! Packaging has become more important than the content. It is like most chip packets nowadays – selling 60% air should NOT be a trend or a thing. We as consumers should have a say, we should demand more.

I’m not asking for Nolan like movies. I know if we ask for that, an unofficial vernacular remake will be made , leaving the moviegoers and original creators in tears. Just put in some more effort – try to make the scripts more believable , stunts must be awe inspiring but believable to make your hair go up. The climax scene in HNY where they fill in water instead of oxygen into the locker to help them escape is laughably bad.

Still SOO Stylish. Legend __/\__ just look at him :') 

 Even a Rajinikanth movie needs to be believable – I heard the climax of his recent Lingaa and cried in horror- The modern need for mindless extravagance has not spared the great man too.

I know this movie rant is not going to change anything. We’ll still have regressive romantic scenes , cardboard characters , men kicking bombs of hot air balloons and playing out badly written scenes and I know that I’ll be cheering and whistling in the theater because I love my Indian cinema no matter what.

I know it is crap but if it is enjoyable crap nobody is complaining - too much.

But if it is something like this

Or

This

God Save Us!