What once was

  

We are plagued by memories

By what once was

Ours to cherish

But not cherished.

 

To collaborate with &

Not compete against.

To break a for given bond

Without any thought given

Absent mindedly

Like how dusts of disinterest and distance

Began to gather over us

Together.

 

But we are still friends,

Still as dead water.

Of silent tears

Which were (never) cried.

 

Golden Brown

All the gloss , glitter and glue

Cannot photoshop the sheer phobia

Lurking right beneath her skin

Forming a palpable layer,

They attack her

Only when no one is watching.

She seems so bold

But is actually quite brittle

Her quiet melancholy

Muddled by her extensive cacophony.

She is indeed a prisoner of her own device

Trapped in bravado

She just wants to cry.

Yet when her man is watching

She cannot let him see

If the truth is really exposed

Won’t he just flee?

Better to break it off

And be the bitch

Than take it off

And be his bitch.

Of course it is all very problematic

But who are we to judge?

We all mask our frail insecurities

 marinate them with worry &

deep fry it till it becomes golden brown.

Puddle

Mirror Mirror!

Cry me a river

The translucent teardrops

Are actually from my forehead

Nothing but stinky fruits of my labour.

The beads of perspiration form

An amoebic puddle

Modern art

Won’t sell for a penny today

Investment for tomorrow you see.

On it,

I see myself of yesterday

A cartoon faced kid

Who wanted to be a detective ,

Kaleidoscopic dance

Ripples of time,

Myself of Today

An adultish looking person

Staring at pools and puddles

Wanting to dream again.

Written for Poet's united Midweek Motif 'Mirror'

Rockstar

I Rebel

Don’t compromise

Non conform

Break Glass Ceilings

Only for it to shatter all over me

Cuts deeper than wound

I persist

Keep flying towards the star

My scars sing to the world

That I am a rockstar

And now I wave down at them

Because I dared to climb up. 

The First Dosa

I would like to thank all my readers - new and old - for the constant support and feedback. Steady Meanderings has gained a new lease of life because of you all. You guys are my biggest blessing! :)

Okay that sounded so cheesy and so unlike me :P

Listening to feedback is very crucial  feel and I have been getting requests to revert back to my long articles and short stories. But you see the problem is that, once you cross over to poetry which is so quaint and beautiful , prose feels cumbersome ugly and crass. If  I can make my point in 50 lovely words , why stretch it out to a 500 inconsequential ones?
What I am saying is that I used to be a story teller but now I've now become a writer. I have been giving importance to style over substance and I know that is not the best thing to happen to me. So I will try to balance both and I am committing to that by registering it here.
Since a cross over from poetry to prose is not the easiest thing ever , I'm going to try to capture the stream of conscious thoughts that's flowing through my head right now.
We all have to start somewhere right?

This post's soul feels this way

The heavy poetry hangover is palpable but please bear with me.
My mom says that the first dosa is always bad. But only if you get done with it , you can move on to better crispy ones :) and that is what this post is attempting to do. Scratch the pan before making more delicious things.

 Blessing Midweek Motif - I have become an avid participant of the poets united's midweek prompts. There is nothing more satisfying for a writer than to find a community of like minded souls sharing their work and mutual appreciation :)
The midweek motif for this week is 'blessing' and like I said in the beginning readers are my biggest blessing.

" More often than not we rarely spot the blessings we have been awarded from the almighty nature. Sometimes because we don't recognise the almighty but most times because we don't know that they are a blessing. We are too afraid to open the gift life has awarded us. Especially since life loves handing out Jackfruits. Prickly on the outside but oh so sweet on the inside. "

"Some people may have had cheap jackfruit off the road. A cursing in a blessing disguise. Wolf in sheep's clothing if you may call it. And so when the real fruit of our labour comes along we are too afraid to taste them .What a shame"  ( I had a bad experience with it when i was 8. Now i have a lifelong aversion)

" Moving away from the now overused Jackfruit metaphor , sometimes we are not aware that we possess is a blessing. Only when we lose or afraid we are going to lose it , that goddamn curse turns out to be your bestie bff blessing,"

 " If you never ever do find out your blessings from your curses , may god save you. "

No post is complete without a ruby meme :D

My convoluted message is that 

1) Spot thy blessings asap

2) Cherish them

3) Don't be a complaining mona 

4) This can be in relation to people , incidents , the seemingly shitty  sucky trick life life played on you. 

Iwilltakethisoppurtunity to Thank Srishti Swati  and Raju / Mona Darling aka Rajeshwari for being there always. If i put myself through what i put you both through , I would have unfriend AND block myself. Thank you for ending up in ILS by accident and making my life so much better ^_^

I would love to put a pic up , but fearing gaudiness I am not putting up. 

If this post nothing to you , take my peace offering :- 

 

 

Okay bye. 

Stay

So a regular reader and friend asked me to write a piece on romantic relationships. A more specific one actually but my mind meandered to this. Purely fictional for intents and purposes. An artistic piece if you can call it that

To think that

the only real relationship I ever had

was

the one I never had.

Beat my chest in pride,

every time I did the courageous karate

in the name of romance 

with almost every other person 

except you. 

I could feel your patient gaze

silently sear through my back 

as I strutted around town. 

For you know for who I was  am.

A genuine hypocrite

Afraid of All. 

Of your gentle embrace wrapping me up

in the near future, 

actually play that reel in my head quite often.

Till I get giddy in fact. 

You are my handsome secret.

Of me having to confront you 

about these stupid feelings which engulf me

and make me powerless , 

you will never.

You rock at this waiting game

Not a level playing field actually.

Of you saying 'no', 

For Fate and Circumstances

spare no one. 

Of you saying 'yes' . 

For Fate and Circumstance

spare no one. 

I didn't want my epic romance 

to be tarnished by the all too real life,

Twas very pretty and pristine

So I never took the chance. 

Cautious for a change. 

There was no element of doubt

about our commitment , 

only time when unspoken words made

so much more meaning 

than the spoken ones. 

Our eyes duelled in anger 

each time we tried to dull our love

by truly moving on from each other, 

So we pretended to fall in love

with likeable people we never liked. 

I am thinking of you 

and you are thinking of me. 

Toxic flames and fumes 

made of our mutual feelings

paralyse me forever. 

I know it may sound sad

but it is real

And that is all that matters.

Give love a chance! 

What about true happiness? 

The lucky ones mutter under their breath. 

Passion would eat us alive , 

Would 

Could 

Should 

I don't want to live in the aftermath

So in this mental cove 

I am going to stay.

The F word.

Failures rock.
A year back , no one would have believed that I believed this. Now , people at least try to listen to me when I try to convince them of this. Baby steps.

It is easy to believe in something when it is only an ideology and you don't have to experience it in action. That's why most people are hypocrites. They don't want to be but usually the gap between concrete action and lofty thoughts swallows 'em up. I always believed that I didn't care about failures and it is a stepping stone to success and etcetera etcetera. Only when I experienced it , I could take a proper look.
Initially it sucks , pains a lot more than you think. Nobody likes change and when things don't go your way it is highly frustrating , stress inducing. Everything feels like falling apart . The same welcoming world of yesterday seems to be menacing . But these so called failures are actually good for you and I will tell you why.

What are these failures anyway?
Society manufactured standards of practice which every person is forced to follow by pressures of socialization such as family , community and organised institutions. However , cool we like to be and not care , every human being lives in a community and social disapproval goes a long way in shaping one's attitude.
Okay , I realise i sound like my 11th standard sociology textbook. Dry , abstract and boring.
Let's lighten up with cliched examples. Eg. The 10th standard board exams are a redundant concept. Nobody should care about those marks. But , most people care about it because these marks are used by families as indicators of intelligence and social prestige. I know a certain family member who makes a list of all the kids she knows who are writing their board exams that year and calls them to check their marks. This inordinate amount of curiosity is the reason why kids run to America lol
What I have realised is most of the failures are not even failures. It is such a strong word with so much stigma attached. They are minor setbacks to one of the possible routes through which you can attain your possible goal.
So hereon I'm gonna use the word setback.

So why does failure setback rock?

It makes you think! I wouldn't be writing this original content on my personal property if i didn't suffer a setback. Usually when one attains what they want a tad too easily , all the problems get swept under the carpet. We just want to enjoy the fruits of our victory that we ignore the weeds. Till they grow long enough to coil around our necks. Minor setbacks make us trim our gardens better ,i.e , keep us well aware and in control of our weaknesses, I would rather lose my way in the play offs and peak during the knockouts rather than have a perfect run in the leagues and choke due to my deficiencies in the finals. 

Usually people who are used to success , define themselves with it. When they lose , that's why it hits them hard. They feel incomplete without it. They even loathe themselves and hate the version which doesn't have it. Accepting and loving who you are is very important and that is not going to happen with the constant halo of success hovering around you. Your happiness should never rely on a contingency . Happiness should be found even in the darkest of places and shouldn't be concentrated in one holy spot. It is the journey and not the destination, I mean sure , if the destination is fun that is definitely an added bonus, 

People have a very narrow definition of success and planned road drawn towards it. Life is never going to let that happen and that's what makes it so interesting. Nobody can control fate and people used to success know that in their heads but never feel that truly until the door is abruptly closed on their faces. It makes you more creative and takes you to paths never travelled before to reach that goal. So it keeps you fresh. 

So failures make you a better at what you do , makes you love yourself for who you are , makes your happiness more intrinsic and makes you creative and understand the uncertainty of life, It is the best teacher there is. 

Most importantly it makes you

STRONGER to take the next blow and probably stand up and deliver the next punch. 

And shows you the ones who truly care. Because life is about those people. You need someone to share all that hyped up success with,

(P.S - All pictures are borrowed)

So yes. Don't be afraid to fail. Don't think of what might happen if x goes wrong. Something can always go wrong. Just give it your best shot and move on. Enjoy your failure , like you enjoy your success, There is nothing derogatory about losing. 

IT IS OKAY TO FAIL. 

8

Hi readers! Thanks for sticking around even when I don't write for months. I was having a writer's block of sorts and generally a rough phase in my life. The poem I'm publishing below is a very personal one and took a great deal of bravery from my side to be even posted. Many friends dissuaded me from sharing this particular chapter of my life. I have written on what it is like, to feel like a failure even when you know that you aren't one. It might seem like a small problem to most of you but I assure you that it has taken its toll on my life. However , I've recovered enough to talk about it now and share it with others , for I know that I'm not alone and want others to not feel alone too. This post does not intend to be negative , it just captures one of the darker phases of my life. There is always light at the end of the tunnel , I just chose to project the darkness this time. Thank you. 

People who get 98 start behaving like a 98

The poor ones who get an 8

Can’t help but feel like one.

Especially when you shower them with

Your 98 tonnes of optimism

It is not you , it is not them

It is the 8

Not the end of the world

But an 8.

Supposedly a learning curve

But unfortunately

Mostly a slippery slope

A direct downward spiral

Into the invisible abyss

Of mass mediocrity .

Which they have been trying to avoid ,

Even when they were at their

Personal Everest of fame.

What can you really do?

When your personal brilliance

Gets scraped off your skin

With the harsh gravel

That is your education system.

Don’t worry about your results.

Just give your best every time

Even if you fail almost every time

For faults that you never made.

Don’t worry , Don’t feel , Don’t care

Just play fruit ninja

And believe that it is not your fault

That you failed.

Keep playing fruit ninja ,

Knowing you did nothing to deserve that 8 .

Keep playing till you break all levels

Till you start doubting the veracity of your claims

Till you start doubting the obvious.

You know you did nothing wrong.

But where is the proof?

Who feels like shit?

Not that you know how shit really feels like

But you get the gist.

Who feels depressed all the time ,

Not able to cope with a seemingly

Erroneous failure ,

You or university or god?

Till the day of hopefully inevitable rectification

Who has to squirm every time they hear an 8?

The number you once loved

Because it was so easy to draw

Till you found out 2 O’s wasn’t the way anyways.

The number which you mastered

To apply for license .

The number you cannot help but hate irrationally.

Now.

If what happened was so irrational

As everyone makes it out to be,

Why can’t we have our own irrational outburst to it?

Functioning after a failure is tough

Even for the best of us.

It is like learning to walk

With broken legs

Which aren’t set properly.

Extending the stick called sensitivity

Is more than welcome.

It might be not as grave as it sounds

But it certainly feels that way.

Outpouring of grief on virtual paper

Might never solve anything ,

But what else can one do really?

No one can control anything.

Except the person who gives me

Marks it seems. 

Samyuktha Semi Jayaprakash